From its Roman beginnings, it took a long, long time for the town of Bad Hönningen to actually be “bad.”

The Bad designation isn’t an indication of how misbehaved the place is — nope, it’s a good (German) way of saying it’s a spa town.

Took long enough. The first spa opened here way back in 1895, and it took some 55 years for the place to officially get its Bad title.

Well, that’s mineral water under the bridge at this point, isn’t it? Today you’ll be more than happy to just lounge around the town’s state-approved spa swimming, relaxing in the jacuzzi, getting a nice massage.

You know, if this was around when the Romans were here, they might not have ever left. They did stick around for quite a long time, as the area was once along the Limes, or Roman border. Bad Hönningen still celebrates its Roman beginnings, from its Römerwelt (a Roman Museum that’s quite interactive), to its Roman Weekends in May, and its Roman Watchtower.

Hmm, no wonder Bad Hönningen is found along the German Limes Road.

That’s not the only route found here. For those traveling by car, the German Avenues Route lurches its way through town. And the Rheinsteig, a long distance hiking route, will bring you right on over.

And, while not technically a scenic route, Bad Hönningen’s Wine Blossom Festival marks the official start of the Wine Festival season. I’d have to say the Roman Wine Weekend in October is a really good one to come to.

Bad Hönningen doesn’t just limit itself to wine and Romans. The town celebrates with all sorts of other festivals, like the Federweißefest in November, its Sts. Peter & Paul Fair in June, and its Medieval Spectacle (with jousting no less) in May. They also host a Beer Festival, a Summer Night Festival, and a Nostalgic Christmas Market.

How does anyone get any work done around here? How am I supposed to get any work done around here? ;-)

A trip to Bad Hönningen doesn’t end when the festivals are finished. You haven’t seen its landmark yet, have you? You can’t miss it — it’s that big castle up on the hillside surrounded by those gorgeous vineyards. Schloss Arenfels’ modern palace look is a far cry from its medieval days — but is still owned by a Baron. Burg Ariendorf, while not so lavish, is still another glorious castle to add to the things to see along the Rhine in Bad Hönningen.

Amazing what’s become of Bad Hönningen when barely a dozen homes survived from the devastation of the Thirty Years’ War.

I think you’ll just love how wonderful Bad Hönningen has become — and it only gets better with age. Just like a fine wine, come to think of it…

If ever there was a want to live almost forever, I’d urge you to live it the Bavarian Swabian town of Wemding. Why? How else are you going to see the completion of the Wemdinger Zeitpyramide?

The Wemdinger what? Wemdinger Zeitpyramide, or Wemding Time Pyramid. It was partially erected to celebrate Wemding’s 1200th birthday (in 1993), with a big square stone to be added once every decade until the year 3183. The one in June 2013 was added with much fanfare — as it should be.

Now do you see why it would be nice to live here forever — to see this unique object d’art finished?

That’s not the only reason, though, Wemding is remarkably pretty, especially when the fuchsias are in full bloom from Spring to Summer. A good time to see Wemding’s Rose Garden, take a guided hike, or venture out on your own along the many other bike and walking trails too.

For those who want even more to do outside, Wemding’s got everything from fishing, beach volleyball, camping, ice skating, cross-country skiing, carriage rides, and even a Kneipp area.

Of course, if you want a bit of history as you’re strolling along the streets, come see the minor basilica, the Wallfahrtskirche — a pilgrimage church since the 17th century. As stunning as the ceiling frescoes are here, it is the Pfarrkirche St. Emmeramsplatz that’s Wemding’s landmark, perhaps it’s the 65-meter high towers that gave it that distinction.

Other historical sites around town would include the Folterturm, or Torture Tower (so named for its role in the 17th century witch hunts), its Amerbacher Tor (standing at 30.5 meters), and its 5-story Baronturm.

A Bavarian Swabian town this good is bound to have some good (no, make that great) festivals and other cultural events. However, it isn’t every year the Pestprozession takes place from St. Sebastian Church — that happens once every twenty years. Too bad I missed the one in 2012, that would’ve been great…

And I missed the Schäfflertanz back in 2007, but at least we don’t have to wait two decades — only seven years. We’ll all have to console ourselves in the meantime with the annual Village Festival in July, or the Martinimarkt in November, or the Christmas Market in December.

Yikes, I almost forgot to tell you about the Altstadtfest in August, the Fuchsien- und Kräutermarkt in June, and every Sunday from May to September is Music at the Marktplatz.

Now do you understand why it would be great to live here forever? I could so do this all day, everyday.

It’s truly amazing the difference in landscape and culture from Southern Germany compared to Northern Germany.

Now I’d never have such a debate with myself, or anyone else for that matter, as to which one is “better” than the other. There’s no possible way to win such an argument. However, it’s places like Hambergen in Lower Saxony that could gain an edge to why the north could reign supreme.

First off, Hambergen lies within an area known as the Teufelsmoor (Devil’s Marsh). This natural landscape is just wonderful to bicycle along, which might explain why there are quite a few marked bike trails in these parts. These little lanes will take you past canals, farms, and bogs — not to mention they’re dotted with little rest areas with hearty places to eat.

Hambergen, and its four other villages, also appeal to your intellectual side. You’ll find an entire museum complex (known as the Museumsanlage Ströhe-Spreddig) full of thatched roof cottages — and where you’ll learn all about live in the moors. Come September the museum has its Handwerkertage or Artisans Days, which are great for finding all kinds of equipment and artwork from local craftsmen and artisans.

And the Umwelt- und Vorgeschichtsweg Seemoor has all kinds of information about archaeological sites of the Stone Age, the Bronze Age, and the Middle Age. Well, that’s a long name for a long history, isn’t it? ;-)

In the more recent history of Hambergen are some fine looking windmills. The one in the village of Lübberstedt is known for its gigantic Dutch Windmill, built in 1872. Vollersode also boasts its own windmill, and the town also has its own nature reserve.

It just keeps coming back to the nature side of things, huh? So, I guess this is a good time to mention the guided bog walks that are available. And then you’ve got all the camping kind of activities — you can even spend a few nights in “Farm Accommodations.”

You’re gonna need somewhere to sleep, considering you’ll be all tuckered out from horseback riding, swimming, hiking, or just sitting in on a seminar of Stone Age history. I can’t guarantee this last one won’t be in Low German, since this is spoken in the region.

Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter what language anyone speaks on a quiet hike through the Wesermünder Geest or Stedener Forest, does it? Which are just two more arguments for a North vs. South battle.

It almost starts off like a bad joke — a botanist and the Pope walk into a bar…

No, I’m just kidding about the bar part, but in the town of Pentling you might find it interesting that this place is the former stomping grounds of David Heinrich Hoppe and Pope Benedict XVI.

Like the scenery of the Upper Palatinate here? Thank Mr. Hoppe for that — he was instrumental in establishing the nature area surrounding the neighboring city of Regensburg. He also established the first ever Botanical Garden in the area. The Hoppefelsen is a monument in his honor. Rightfully deserved, I might add.

The nature area around the region is great for bird watching, or just a scenic bike ride throughout Pentling’s 18 districts.

As for Benedict XVI, he used to live here back when he was “just” Joseph Ratzinger (he did make a visit as Pope, too). Located at Bergstraße 6, his former home can still be visited.

That might seem like a long time ago, but it’s a mere blip in Pentling’s long history. This place has seen people living here before the Bronze Age — and one of Pentling’s oldest villages is Poign. I don’t think it has changed much, as you’ll find the area quite tranquil amongst its farms.

Some of the town’s other villages and hamlets are just as picturesque. Seedorf is a village of wide open spaces and graceful religious statues. Hohengebraching is a farming town, with its own village church too.

One of Pentling’s oldest churches is found in Graßlfing, built around the year 1200. Now that I think about it, Graßlfing is probably the oldest, as folks have called it home for the last 10,000 years.

FYI, if you want a castle, you’re going to have to look a bit hard. I’m sorry to say that nothing remains of the 14th century Burgstall Pentling.

Nonetheless, this town is all sorts of modern, and a far cry from its war ravaged days after the Thirty Years’ War — when there were just 12 people left.

Today hundreds, if not thousands, flock to Pentling for its Easter Market and May Day Celebrations. Then you’ve got all the people flowing into town for its winter activities like sledding and skiing.

While it might seem as if Pentling starts off as an odd joke, it ain’t anything but seriously historic and a wonderful place to be, no matter who you are.

Wow, if the town of Vogtsburg im Kaiserstuhl was any further west, they’d be speaking French instead of German. Why? Because the place borders the country of France, that’s why. Only the mighty Rhine stands in-between.

Come to think of it, that’s totally irrelevant to the story of the place.

What is important is the climate, a Mediterranean warmth (this is the Kaiserstuhl, yes!) that grows some of the best grapes imaginable. And with over five square miles of vineyards, that’s a whole lotta goodness, wouldn’t you say?

Vogtsburg also has a whole lotta castles, too. Excuse me, I take that back — it used to have a whole lot of castles.

Nothing remains of Burg Bickensohl, which shares the name of a village in Vogtsburg. A good bit of the Ruine Burkheim is left, although from its craggy shell and hollowed out windows you’d never guess that was once a real medieval castle. Today the castle ruin is a lovely backdrop to a winery; and the hamlet of Burkheim still maintains its Old World charm.

It really stinks the Burg Bischoffingen’s medieval castle (built over a thousand years ago) is privately owned — why won’t anyone let us in these things?

Ahh, nevermind, I’ll take a look at the recently found 3 or so meter long tooth of a mammoth, which might have lived here around 20000-40000 B.C.

After that, I’ll go back to Bickensohl to hike any of the trails through nature protected areas, like the Lösshohlwegepfad. The 21.7 km Kaiserstuhlpfad is also quite nice — the natural scenery of the Kaiserstuhl hills (shaped by volcanoes) will stay in your mind forever. Nature lovers will appreciate the variety of wildlife, including all the different species of birds.

For the more religious or spiritual walker, the Way of St. James goes through town.

Not into all that walking? Try a Segway tour, or bike riders might want to try the Kaiserstuhl Radwanderweg — it’s only 64 km, and you can even rent an e-bike. Plus, I just love the Night Watchman Tours, they’re always a fun way to see a side of a town that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Just when you think the good fun’s over, think again. Vogtsburg has a bunch of cultural events that’ll keep you staggering to keep up. September’s probably the busiest month, hosting events like the Herbstfest; Kürbisfest; Hoffest; and Herbstweinfest. The last one shouldn’t be confused with the Wine Festival held in August; and July’s got the Summer Festival.

France might be right next door, but it’s so much fun here in Vogtsburg — I forgot you were there.

Holy Mother Sunshine, did you know there’s a dinosaur graveyard in Kupferzell?

What’s that got to do with anything? I have no idea, but it does make for an interesting opener about this lovely town on the Kupfer River. ;-)

I didn’t just make that up, by the way. There really was a dinosaur graveyard found over in the village of Bauerbach (just one of the 21 hamlets that make up Kupferzell).

Each one of Kupferzell’s villages is as unique as each of its residents. Eschental, for instance, still retains much of its medieval flair, and it’s the right place to go if you’re looking for a variety of restaurants.

Füßbach, with its population of about 90, is Kupferzell’s Bioenergiedorf (bio-energy village). Ain’t that a nice way of saying its kind to the environment? :-)

Like the great outdoors? That will be Beltersrot that you’ll want to visit then — it’s got areas to swim, places to camp out, and ponds to relax by.

Add in a hike and/or bike through the Swabian-Franconian Forest and/or Hohenloher Ebene, and you’ve got yourself one heck of a good time.

There is also the more traditional sightseeing if you want that. A castle is always good, and the one here even has its own Castle Park — magnificent.

Kupferzell’s Protestant Church is a pretty 15th century structure; while the old Train Station isn’t anywhere near as old — but just as good to see.

It wouldn’t be right not to see Hesselbronn’s countless half-timbered houses, either.

Still, most people want to know about many of Germany’s festivals. Kupferzell certainly doesn’t disappoint — they got all kinds of stuff going on. The Schlachtfest comes along every March; the Maifest and Maibaumfest are a two-day affair on April 30th and May 1st respectively.

At the end of May comes the Frühlingsfest, followed by the 2-day Summer Nights Festival in early June, with the Lindenfest and Kärwe in October, and the Advent and Christmas and Silvester celebrations in November and December.

You’ll have such a good time in Kupferzell that a real live dinosaur could come walking by, and you’d never even notice. ;-)

Along the Spessart, in the very northwest corner of Bavaria (close to Hesse), lies the Lower Franconian town of Bessenbach. It’s the kind of place you envision a typical Franconian village to be.

That’s not a bad thing.

Bessenbach is charming enough alone with its BBQ grill hut areas, playgrounds for the children, and beach volleyball court that’s free for everyone to use. But, it’s got more than that going for it.

You’ll find a number of old chapels scattered throughout its ten villages. Come to think of it, were you aware that one of Bessenbach’s villages has only five residents?

An entire village has only 5 people. Five people. If anyone says they’re crowded here, they got a screw loose. ;-)

Anyway, back to the old chapels and churches… The Pfarrkirche Keilberg is one of the oldest, going back to the year 1184. You’d never know it because it’s had a Baroque makeover, but it was necessary after the effects of the Thirty Years’ War.

What’s really cool about the church isn’t in the church itself, it’s the old tree outside. This thing is massive enough to hide a person in it — a few people actually.

St. Ottilie is also from the Middle Ages; built possibly in the 12th century. It’s fountain is a place of pilgrimage (for folks with eye complaint).

Some of Bessenbach’s other churches are also from the Baroque period, like the Lady Chapel (17th century), and the 18th century chapels of the Good Shepard (1752) and Wendeln (1778). The new addition to the bunch didn’t come along until 1970 — we won’t hold that against it, will we?

One of Bessenbach’s coolest attractions is its Astronomical Clock, built in 1984. It chimes everyday at 5pm during the winter; 6pm during the Spring and Autumn; and 7pm every night in summer. There are exceptions, like Sundays and Holidays, when it rings one of three melodies, three times a day.

Then again, if you’re partying at the town’s Carnival or Rosenmontag Ball, you might not hear it. It would be a shame to miss it, though.

There’s nothing wrong with being a typical Franconian village like Bessenbach, it’s got the best of the old stuff — and the best of the new stuff. And it’s everything I envisioned it would be.

While traveling out and about around the globe, if I meet someone from Germany — my first question is: where are you from? So far I haven’t met anyone from the town of Horneburg, or as it’s called in Low German, Hornborg.

I’d love to talk someone about their hometown — about how lovely a place this is up here near Hamburg. How can you not love being up by the Stade Geest, or how you can see the Elbe from atop the 28-meter high observation tower (over in Nottensdorf)?

What I really like is Horneburg’s history. Other people must have loved it up here as much as I do, since folks have been living here for more than 3,000 years. If you go along the Wanderpfad Nekropole Daudieck (oh, it’s only 2 km long with 9 “stations”), you’ll learn all about these prehistoric people.

Ahh, forget that, let’s talk about the more modern Horneburg — you know, from the Middle Ages. ;-)

Well, honestly, there’s not all that much left from Horneburg’s medieval days, but the Feldsteinkirche is still around from the 12th century; as is the 14th century Bronze “Knight” sculpture.

Too bad nothing remains of Burg Horneburg, other than its moat. A sad end to what was probably a formidable 13th century castle.

A few centuries passed between the end of the Middle Ages to what is really modern day; and you can see quite a number of buildings around town that were put here in between.

For instance, I love the Große Zweiständerhaus, a gigantic half-timbered house (in the district of Dollern) with this exceptionally steep thatched roof from 1793. Guess that’s to keep the snow from building up during the winter.

A number of these thatched roof “cottages” can be found throughout Horneburg — which are so indicative of the northern German landscape. They kind of remind me of a few villages in Great Britain too, but isn’t that a whole other story? ;-)

Now that I think about it, I wonder if there’s someone from Horneburg wandering around the United Kingdom being reminded of home. Hmm, if we ever find someone from here, we shall ask him/her.

Hmm, come to think of it, what an interesting history the Lower Franconian town of Mellrichstadt must’ve had. Yes, I know I usually do my research on some interesting tidbits of each and every German town (which I have done in this case), but it isn’t always easy to sum it all up.

Did you know that Mellrichstadt was once a town on border between East and West Germany?

That’s right, the place borders Thuringia — which was once part of East Germany after World War II. Over at the former border is a museum that tells the story of how the country was once divided.

Recent 20th century history is but a second in time compared to how old this place really is. The Salzhaus is where you can learn all abut how salt mining was done more than a thousand years ago — as well as about rural life, agriculture, and some more of Mellrichstadt’s local history.

The town even has its very own castle, known as the Altes Schloss (Old Castle). Its origins go back to around 1230, but it’s had additions put on over the years so you might not realize it’s almost 800 years old.

Wolzogen Castle isn’t a medieval castle (built 1715), but it’s now a museum and exhibition center.

As with any self-respecting medieval town, it once had its own defense system — so look around and you’ll find parts of its Stadtmauer (defense wall) and a couple of watchtowers (the Bürgerturm is the town’s landmark), the Pulverturm (built 1356), and the Untere Tor (Lower Gate, built 1340).

Oh, get this — Mellrichstadt even has its very own gallows from the 13th century. Don’t worry — no one has been hung here since 1664. Yikes.

Towns from the Middle Ages built gorgeous churches — although some of the town’s best ones didn’t come along until the 17th century. You’ll love the Kreuzkapelle (built 1690), and the Großenbergkapelle has 16th and 17th century art & architecture.

As if life in Mellrichstadt isn’t busy enough, rent a bike to traverse along the Main-Werra-Radweg (a scenic route for bicycles), or join in the fun on Bike Weekend (1st weekend of April).

The City Festival is always fun, as is the Rosenmontag Ball, Carnival, Maypole, and the Christmas Market held every year at the Marktplatz.

Anyone wanting more from Mellrichstadt, you’ve got it. Enjoy some time at the Frickenhäuser See, a lake that’s fun for the whole family; a stop at the St. Killian Pfarrkirche, and the 14th century Burgmühle.

It sure ain’t easy to sum up Mellrichstadt’s history, nor is it easy to sum up all the wonderful things to see around here.

Oh well, I guess this is one place I’ll have to come back to visit to do a better job of it…

Oh yeah, it is time for another installment of Nobility Behaving Badly.

In all fairness, it isn’t right to say that the Countess who spent almost a half-century in Stolpen was all that naughty — but bad enough that she had to be “locked-up.”

Just as it was centuries ago, much of life in Saxony’s Stolpen revolves around its castle. Burg Stolpen is pretty impressive, and when you hear the tale of its most famous resident, today’s reality TV will seem almost tame.

Constantia von Cosel was the mistress of none other than August der Starke, known as August the Strong — King of Poland. Because the good countess was privy to many a state secret, folks thought that it was better to keep her locked in the castle. She remained there for 49 years until her death in 1765.

FYI, August the Strong was responsible for bringing a lot Baroque architecture to the region.

What, do you really think political intrigue and adultery are modern inventions? Heck no, a whole lot of naughty nobility went on in medieval castles like this one. ;-)

Some folks come to see the Countess’ castle prison, others to see the 35-million year old basalt cliffs that it’s built on. Either way, no one walks away from this unhappy. You most certainly won’t if you’re at the castle for Stolpen’s Christmas Market.

The rest of Stolpen isn’t chocked full of naughty nobility, it is a modern town with medieval flair. A place with some 23 km of marked hiking trails through Upper Lusatia and eastern Ore Mountains, and near the Saxon Switzerland Nature Park.

Other sites in Stolpen include places like the 17th century Rathaus (Town Hall), the fortified St. Lawrence Church, the Town Museum, and a Gothic/Baroque blended Evangelical Church.

Nonetheless, if all you want to do is nothing but swim all day, you can do that over at the local pool. You just have to do it from May to August/September.

Countess Constantia might’ve lived in a castle, but you have the freedom to explore more of Stolpen in such a short time than she did in 50 years. Whew, if that ain’t reason enough to stay off the naughty list, I don’t know what is.