Alright, you caught me. I cheated. This is not an easy thing to admit, ya know. But, I guess the bigger question is, to what am I confessing? Just because we’re friends, I’ll come clean. I didn’t just show up on the doorstep of Offenbach an der Queich on a lark — I first saw it on the internet.

Don’t judge, wait until you hear my story. I couldn’t help it, the town itself is quite proud of its storks. So much in fact, they added a “storkcam” to their official website (unfortunately currently inactive). It’s amazing what you can find online these days. ;-)

So, that got me thinking — if this is an average day in a small Palatinate town, I got to see more. What I found wasn’t just the town of Offenbach, but a whole Collective Municipality with the same name.

And since I started off about the storks, it’s best to start off a trip to Offenbach in the village of Bornheim — where you’ll find them. What you’ll also find is a village that’s won the Unser Dorf soll schöner werden award (Our Village is Beautiful), not once, but twice (1991 and 1995 respectively). Bornheim is also the village to visit for the annual Saulbrunnenfest and Kerwe events.

Not bad for a village that’s not even four square kilometers, huh?

Essingen is almost three times its size, and just as delightful. Wine making is big business, but isn’t it nice to know you can visit the 13th century Wendelin Chapel (with 15th century paintings) and a 16th century Town Hall too?

By the way, Essingen holds its annual Fete on the fourth weekend of August, in case anyone’s interested.

Hochstadt (Pfalz) is one of Offenbach’s biggest villages — got to grow those grapes somewhere, I guess. This is a real party-animal town with Wine Bars, a Wine Trail, a Wine Festival (in August), a Church Fete (September), and Forest Festival (May).

Offenbach itself is quite tame compared to that, but great nonetheless. While it is the most populated of all the villages, you won’t feel crowded as you walk along its Hauptstraße staring at all the half-timbered houses. Whereas I’m sure you’ll pick out your photo for its Mehrgenerationenhaus (Multigenerations House) with its interesting book & recording pen sculpture in front.

Now I imagine how the storks try to rewrite what I’ve written here…

Most folks get all flustered as they navigate their way around the “information superhighway,” but it can lead you to places like Offenbach an der Queich.

Who in their right mind wouldn’t get all excited about a town like Untergriesbach? I mean, what’s not to get all a tingle about, considering it has historical sites, fun events, and the most stunning countryside in Lower Bavaria that pictures could never do justice.

The best thing to do is start off with visiting Untergriesbach’s historical places. There are quite a few of them, since the place is made up of 106 (!) villages — right next to the Austrian border.

You know what? Come to think of it, just go see the 15th century St. James Church in the village of Gottsdorf (with a beautiful Baroque pulpit), the 18th century St. Michael’s Church (also Baroque, that used to be a Gothic one), and the Dorfkapelle (Village Chapel, built 1765).

Now call it a day — since you’ve got more outdoor recreational activities than you can shake a stick at.

Oops, sorry… stop at the old Pillory at the Market Square, just to see how they used to dish out medieval “punishments.”

Rested up? Good, now it’s time to hit the slopes for downhill skiing, or try cross-country skiing. Maybe sledding is more your speed? No? OK, well you could do the whole ice skating thing on the nearby Rannasee instead (which belongs to Wegscheid).

During the warmer months the Rannasee is a great swimming lake with pedal boats, a waterslide, and playground (for the kids, of course). Fishing is big around here; and the Rannasee gives up its pikes and whitefish for die-hard anglers.

Untergriesbach is great for die-hard hikers and bikers too, offering plenty of marked trails for either mode of transportation. The Way of St. James makes its way through town, while the Donau-Wald is a 59km biking trail through the Bavarian Forest and the Bohemian Forest.

You need to rest in town for a while if it’s March — otherwise how else will you enjoy all the beer flowing for the Starkbierfest? Can’t make that? No problem, the beer flows freely during the annual Summer Festival in August; and the Pfarrfest (Parish Church Festival) in July is also a good time. No, make that a great time.

When you get home, tell the tale of Untergriesbach’s mermaids. Tell them it wasn’t the beer talking, since Untergriesbach has its own mermaid tale — and the sculptures to prove it.

Wasn’t I right to tell you there was a lot to get all a tingle about in Untergriesbach? You can thank me later for telling you all about it. ;-)

Ugh, you caught me a strange moment. I’m totally tired after having been through my third Franconian town in just as many days. A rest sure sounds good, but there isn’t any for the wicked. I mean, no rest for the tired. ;-)

Good thing there are a few guesthouses for the weary traveler like me. A good night’s sleep will have me revvin’ to go in the morning — ah, the Gasthaus Zum schwarzen Adler has been welcoming travelers since 1701. Still, a night out at the campground sounds just as lovely.

There is a lot of ground to cover here in Uffenheim, ya know; thirteen districts to be exact — so a good rest will help you get through it all.

Each one offers something to see, like the Uffenheim’s Heritage Museum with exhibits on everything from fossils, to Stone to Iron Age artifacts, and even books from the 17th & 18th centuries.

Lots of half-timbered houses can be found in Uffenheim, as well as some more in the village of Langensteinach. Some Manor Houses await in the village of Aspachhof, while the medieval tower of the St. Jacob’s Church can be found in Custenlohr.

Speaking of Jacob, the Way of St. James comes through Uffenheim; as does the Glaubensweg and Europäischer Wasserscheideweg — two more scenic routes meant to be done by your own two feet.

No walking off too quickly, Uffenheim has lots of cultural events that’ll let you have a good time. July is quite the busy month with a Summer Festival, Bratwurst Day, an Italian Wine Festival, and a Village Festival.

September doesn’t slow down too much, that’s the month for the annual Herbstmarkt and Wine Festival. Whereas November is the month for a Kirchweih, or Church Fair.

Thanks for bringing up churches, be sure to visit the Trinity Pfarrkirche (Parish Church), built in 1747; and over in Welbhausen you’ll find a former synagogue on Alte Uffenheimer Straße 15.

No town like Uffenheim would be complete without a castle. The funny part about that is that the tax office resides in it nowadays. Take a few minutes to dream about what it looked like when it had its moat.

Considering I’m still tired, I’ll take those few minutes to picture it with my eyes closed. ;-)

OK, I’m a German in love with the automobile — so sue me. But, when it comes to the lovely town of Kämpfelbach, driving might be a good idea.

Why, you ask? You see, I bring up driving because Kämpfelbach lies right on the Bertha Benz Memorial Route. On the other hand, Kämpfelbach is also easily reached by train to/from Pforzheim and Karlsruhe. So no need to worry about driving, gas prices, and all the rules that come with driving in Germany in order to enjoy this place.

Do you think the Romans that lived here had cars? No, they didn’t. And do you think medieval peasants had cars? Nope, not them either. Besides, Kämpfelbach is just over 13 square kilometers, so it’s comparably small.

You can’t drive to the Alte Eisinger Loch, a natural landscape that the Romans used as a quarry. You also can’t drive the many hiking trails through the countryside, either. This is where the Kraichgau meets up with the Northern Black Forest, a particularly striking region.

See, didn’t I tell you driving wasn’t a good idea? A walk around Kämpfelbach’s Hallstatt era (circa 900-400 B.C.) grave mounds is though. So is a visit to see the Mount of Olives sculpture at one of Kämpfelbach’s Gothic churches.

There’s a museum here too, if you’re interested. Housed in an old Tithe Barn, there are all sorts of exhibits that detail a good bit of Kämpfelbach’s history. You’ll learn how some Scottish monks built a church here as far back as the 7th century.

Tradition is important here, and no more is that evident than on September 7th every year. This is Gelübdetag, a day when folks head off to church — a religious day that’s has been going on for more than 650 years, all in part because of the plague.

While this is a bit solemn, Kämpfelbach’s Carnival is a hoot, as it hosts a super fun festival in the middle of winter. So important is Carnival that this teeny-tiny town is home to no less than six Carnival Clubs.

Yet another reason why driving isn’t such a good idea — it’s good to party and not have to worry about getting home. Thankfully there are a number of guesthouses and inns in town so you can stick around to see more.

Neatly tucked away in the western corner of Lower Franconia (between the Spessart and Odenwald) lies Klingenberg am Main, sliced right up the middle with the Main River; hence the name, by the way.

That’s not really what makes Klingenberg famous. Nope, the reason many people come here is because it lies on the Fränkischer Rotweinwanderweg, or the Franconian Red Wine Hiking Trail.

You know, between you & me, that seems like the right thing to do — since Germany has very little tolerance for drinking and driving. Yeah, best to stick to walking if you’re gonna get half-lit. ;-)

Anyway, I digress, back to the Red Wine Hiking Route. Klingenberg’s landscape is awash in color with all the vineyards growing the dark grapes that make the wine. And it seems like just the right place to hold an annual Wine Festival (called Klingenberger Winzerfest), held in early August.

A nice glass of red will pair nicely with the view from the ruined Castle Clingenburg, that’s now a restaurant too — as well as being a ruin. The eatery is kind of new, but the castle isn’t. It has been around since 1177, only to be destroyed in the 16th century.

That’s not all of Klingenberg’s history. A Roman worship stone was found here, if that’s any indication of how long people have lived here. The Romans knew how to have a good time, and so do the residents of Klingenberg now.

Every June folks from all over look forward to Klingenberg’s Community Festival and Summer Festival; while July brings on the Clingenburg Festspiele and another Summer Festival. The middle of August kicks it with the Patronatsfest.

We’re still not done with all the cultural activities. There is a Waldfest (Forest Festival), a Kathreinermarkt in November, an Altstadtfest in October, and lots of Christmas events.

And the fun doesn’t end there — Klingenberg am Main has all sorts of hiking trails with cute little animals marking the paths (think bunnies and butterflies). But wouldn’t you like to linger a little longer on the Franconian Red Wine Route? Yeah, me too… :-)

When I first found about the Hessian town of Wöllstadt, my first reaction was: wow, this place is crowded like a big city. How is it even possible since only about 6,000 people are living here?

Certainly its wide open spaces in the Wetterau doesn’t give it that impression. It doesn’t have a bazillion villages to make it seem overly crowded. So, how is that possible? Then I realized it’s a very small town in terms of area, just under 15.5 square kilometers.

Its size doesn’t mean you’ll be shoulder to shoulder crowded while walking along a village street. No, it just means it won’t take too long to make your way around both Nieder-Wöllstadt and Ober-Wöllstadt, the two villages that are Wöllstadt.

And despite its diminutive size, it’s quite the party-animal town. So, after you’ve done the whole sightseeing which would include stops at Nieder-Wöll’s Evangelical Pfarrkirche (Parish Church) along Frankfurter Straße, its 19th century Christian Cemetery, its Jewish Cemetery and its old Brauhaus — it’s time to get down and party.

Um, no not yet — sorry. I forgot to mention the sightseeing in Ober-Wöll. This is the less crowded of the two villages. Don’t worry, it won’t take long since you’re only going to see the St. Stefanus Church, built in 1752 atop a church that was here since 1050. That’s a mighty long time ago, isn’t it?

All right, you’ve earned your chance to party with the Big Boys, so off to Wöllstadt’s Masked Ball at Carnival; its Pond Festival in May & August; the Village Festival in June, the Wine Festival in August; and the Christmas Market held at St. Stefanus every December.

These aren’t the only events going on here — throughout the year you’ll find all sorts of cultural goings-on, like the Vintage Car Rally, the Games Festival, and even the opening of the tennis season (in April) is a time of great celebration.

Crowded? Yeah, sure — but when something’s this good… who cares? ;-)

My first thought about the Hessian town of Weilrod was, if you want to see as much as you can in this fairy tale federal state, then you might want to consider staying here. You couldn’t ask for a better locale — located amidst the Limburg – Frankfurt – Wetzlar – Wiesbaden axis, right in the Taunus Mountains.

That being said, it’s highly unlikely that you’d get the time to see the others, since the thirteen villages of Weilrod will keep you quite busy.

The village of Altweilnau is a whole day affair with its own castle ruins. You could manage to sit a whole day away just staring at the ruins of Castle Altweilnau, originally built in 1208 by the Counts of Diez. Stop by the the 14th century Evangelical Church, and all the half-timbered houses from the 16th & 17th centuries.

More framework houses await in the village of Finsternthal; it’s where the German Avenues Route meets up with Weilrod.

Cratzenbach also has those fairytale looking houses along tiny lanes, but it is the Hochtaunus Nature Park that’s the top attraction around here. Mauloff is also within the nature park, a village that’s full of open fields in this quiet hamlet.

Neuweilnau is the place to come when you’re in the mood to see more architecture from the Middle Ages. Its castle dates to around 1302, but what you’ll see now came along back during the Renaissance around 1506. Its Protestant Church is a stunning Baroque one from the 18th century.

It wouldn’t be right to leave Weilrod before going to see the half-timbered church & rectory in Rod an der Weil; or, the Romanesque original church in Emmershausen.

Oooh, or the quaint Protestant Chapel (from the 17th century) in Oberlauken; and the views from the Observation Tower at Park Dreieich. Riedelbach is near the Großer Feldberg, one of the tallest peaks in the area — so the views here will be worth the hike.

Didn’t I tell you that Weilrod would keep you busy without rushing off somewhere else?

Hmpf, what makes the Thuringian town of Ruhla so special? Is it the distinct Ruhlaer dialect that’s spoken? Is it the unique Ruhlaer Costumes that are worn around these parts? Is it the delicious Ruhlaer Tüschel (a dessert made with cherries or raspberries) that’s eaten here?

Um, you’d be right to say any one of these things; but that’s not the answer to the question.

The answer to what makes Ruhla so special isn’t its cuisine, costumes, or language; it is its architecture. Heck, even I learned something new here — just when I thought I’ve seen or heard it all.

Let me explain… Ruhla is home to the Church of St. Concordia, a church built in 1660. And before you go saying — big deal, it’s Germany there’re churches all over the place — I’m getting to that. You see, St. Concordia’s is a Winkelkirche; a church with two aisles that meet at a right angle.

It’s the only “unaltered” (meaning not changed, not that the church doesn’t have an altar) angle church in Germany, thanks in part to it being spared by World War II bombing.

Great, that’s all you need to see, so let’s go. Nah, I’m just kidding. If we skipped out now, you wouldn’t get to see the 90+ models of the mini-a-thür park. Cute name, right? It’s a scale model of some of Thuringia’s most famous sites, like Wartburg Castle, the Planetarium, and Creuzburg.

And leaving would mean missing out on the Trinity Church (b. 1686), the half-timbered houses on Köhlergasse, and the views from the top of the Carl Alexander Tower. Well, that’s if you managed to climb all 111 steps!

Have you done the Night Skiing yet? Or, partied hard at the Park & City Festival (a May/June event)? No? How about the Summer Skiing events, the Christmas Market, or the Parish Festival (in September)?

Are you going to try exploring the caves in the area? What about hiking along the Rennsteig? What’s the Rennsteig, you ask? That’s a gorgeous scenic route and hiking trail that runs along the mountain peaks — offering some of the best views in Germany.

That alone would make Ruhla special — but aren’t you glad there’s so much more to make it even more spectacular?

Me too. ;-)

In a town that has dedicated itself to industry, it seems only fitting that Schwarzheide’s landmark is a feat of German engineering — a watertower built in the 1940s.

It wasn’t without controversy, however, since it was built by prisoners of war back in 1943. Over at the BASF Plant there’s a memorial to other forced laborers from World War II; and yet another at the Cemetery Chapel.

Yes, it seems like a lot of memorials — and rightfully fitting as a satellite camp of two Concentration Camps were located here from 1944 to the end of the war in 1945.

Over the course of the last seven decades Schwarzheide’s population has decreased — too bad, but that just means there’s more room for me and you. Think of it this way… the Ferdinandsteich, or Ferdinand Pond, won’t be jam-packed with people then. ;-)

I make jokes, of course, but that Schwarzheide’s sights aren’t a laughing matter. They are, however, quite pretty and informative. Stop by the Luther Memorial on the Village Green on your way to the half-timbered Luther Church from 1755. And don’t forget to visit the Heritage Museum (also on the Village Green, known as the Dorfaue) and the BASF Culture Centre that’s another museum.

You’ll learn how Schwarzheide used to be known as Zschornegosda, and all about how Lower Sorbian is spoken all around the region. It is, after all, in Lower Lusatia. And if all you do is hike around Schwarzheide it won’t be a total loss, since the region is quite pretty.

Schwarzheide, by the way, isn’t anywhere near the capital (some 110km away), so hiking there is probably out of the question. But, you’re only about 40km from Dresden (and two towns over from the Saxony border) — so if you’re ambitious, consider it only a bike ride away.

There isn’t too much else I can tell you about Schwarzheide, other than you should stop by the Christ Church at Otto-Straße 5, or maybe a walk along the River Pößnitz while you’re here.

Well, wouldn’t ya know — Schwarzheide isn’t all work & no play. ;-)

In an area known as the Swabian-Franconian Forest, lies the small town of Ilshofen. Its 54.9 square kilometers is spread out, even separated in part by the neighboring towns of Gerabronn and Wolpertshausen.

Ilshofen’s northern tip is split by the Schmerach River, which starts nearby. This is where you’ll find the Burgruine Klingenfels, a castle ruin who saw its glory days back in the 12th and 13th century.

The other castle ruin is Burg Leofels, another 13th century castle. This one once belonged to the Staufers (that family that went on to produce some of the biggest names in German history, like Barbarossa and Henry VI), and towers over the town at over 400 meters above sea level.

And speaking of level, it wasn’t a war that leveled the castle; it was struck by lightning back in 1707. Still, the castle’s arched windows and stone walls are incredibly striking — making it a wonderful venue for the Summer Theater performances.

It isn’t a one culture event town, either, by the way. Ilshofen is a fun loving town with Christmas Concerts and an annual Töpfermarkt & Hebstfest. That would be a Pottery Market and Fall Festival (in the middle of September) for the English speakers.

Sorry… the City Festival (Stadtfest) is only held on even-numbered years on the 3rd weekend of June.

When you’re not shopping til you drop, or pretending your Lady of the Castle Ruins — you can hire a local tour guide to take you all around the Hohenloher Ebene for wine tastings and such.

As you can see, much of Ilshofen is best enjoyed outdoors, and there’s plenty of activities to keep you busy. You can always try tennis, swimming (May-September), hiking, biking, and carriage & wagon rides. Don’t let winter stop you — ice skating around here is always fun.

I think taking a balloon ride is another great way to experience Ilshofen, but then again so is taking one of the marked hiking trails.

Right, didn’t I tell ya that this place was in the Swabian-Franconian Forest in the beginning?